7:00am redux
It’s funny looking back at decisions I made, and did not make, and seeing how different I would be if I had done things differently.
Not regretting; I like me right now.
But sometimes, in a given moment, I go beyond myself - how I usually am - and surprise my being to the core.
And in those moments I try to break down what needed to happen to get to this moment. What did I need to do. What did they need to do. “if I hadn’t forgotten my transit pass”, “if I said no to the double shift”, “if I didn’t get enough vitamin d”, “if they hadn’t won the first game”, “if I didn’t get off here”, maybe I wouldn’t be here, exploding with energy as large as a star and I did not know that was inside of me. I never realized until I look back, and sometimes I look back for too long.
All of this to say that you don’t realize the being you are until you give it a fully, unannounced shot to be.
My guarantee: you always learn more.
Self-Portraits
Awaiting the day someone can take a self-portrait without doing the following:
- Holding the camera in your hand
- It’s called a self-timer, use it.
- Expressing yourself in a way that you do on a daily basis.
- I know you don’t do that goofy/sultry/’I’m so serious all the fucking time’ face outside of the snapshot.
- Trying to say something with it.
- Even bringing your audience full circle will do…
Gonna try to do a few this summer.
If you guys know of any good ‘selfie’ examples, send them my way!
Being > Human.
This is too long, and too scattered. But I appreciate the moment.
- I recently watched an online lecture about "doing"; the active affirmations of accomplishing actions. As I nestled in my bed, the passivity that instinctively washed over me was undeniable. I felt like I could be doing instead of seeing.
- My brain changed my inner channel of thought, and replaced it with another event; a short doc on the advantages of playing video games.
- Okay. Where am I going? What am I doing?
- The main point that the time spent on a video game to some may time well wasted, but to others it is time well spent. True. This is a feeling that can be expressed towards any occurrence.
- To paraphrase the talk, good decisions come from experience, but when you realize in a moment of breaking Aunt Isabel's veranda window with Tahir's baseball, you obtain the memory of the experience.
- "Shit, let's practice in the open field next time."
- Now time kicks the neurons in high gear. The engine is now running.
- Time is a commodity that is given once you leave your mother's placenta-filled nest, and is completely empty on your back indented deathbed. Your experience are transferred from being unknown, unforseen and exchanged into the mind as an event that occurred. If we can think of an event that occurred 14 years, 4 months, 22 days, 5 hours 13 minutes, 7-8-9 seconds ago to perfectionist detail, I surely know that every past memory is up there. I want to remember this; this experience. I really do. I want all of them. Nothing takes precedent over the other. Life is incomplete without any one of them. I can't look at my first and last love, compare and say "oh, I could have done without sharing that ferris wheel with you."
- No.
- That is lack of understanding.
- I look back at the times in my life where I wish I did not obtain the recollection if a certain moment, and I wonder know who that person is.
- That was me; just not now.
- So when I stop, open up my computer, and decide to talk to you instead of watching that new French wave revival film, or the senators-sharks game, or a new lecture on sexual behavior differences between white men and white women, just know that I made that decision now because I know that men prefer things that women don't, Ottawa and San Jose will each gain a point in the standings, and I heard that film was going to be okay, but not another Godard.
- this is not because you take precedence.
- But because you are equal to all.
- From the womb to the tomb and into the infinite unknown, every experience matters.
- Don't discount your blink of the eye.
- What do you think?
- P.S. it was my first ice cream. I got bubble gum pop. And you can now add 4 minutes, and 58-59-
- Fuck it.
Wow.
Liebster Award
SinkinLikeStones loves books. I would have to say that a good percentage of posts refer to either book quotes, photos of book covers, or even excitement book-related releases (Neverwhere via BBC, sounds pretty interesting…). And now, she has apparently nominated me for the Liebster Award.
Still trying to wrap that around my head.
Directions:
1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog and link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
2. Answer the 11 questions from the nominator and create 11 questions for your nominees.
3. Present the Liebster Blog Award to 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen. (Supposedly they’re supposed to be for blogs with 200 followers or less, so woohoo for less followers (even though my 70-something followers are all awesome, and much more than I would ever suspect).
4. Copy and paste the Blog Award onto your blog.
My given 11 questions are:
- What is the first book you remember that had an impression on you?
This is a tough one, but I got to say that it must have been Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Patterson. I was in grade four when I was given this children’s book by my math/english teacher (Note on first page: “Enjoy your summer escape!”). This was the first time I was ever given a book from someone outside of my family. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised to say that it was the first time I was given a book with me actually being aware that I was given a book. I read it that summer, and although the “children escaping” theme may seem tired to some, I really enjoyed it. It was the first, so it’s easier to remember (suitable to different kinds of questions as well), and there was something about the bond between the two main characters that was so desirable as a young child. & it was easy to digest, which leads into my next question….. - Have you always been a reader?
No.
Like, not even close.
Besides reading that book, I was always more interested in passive, quick ways of digesting stories. Listening to books being read to me as a toddler before bedtime, watching films continuously throughout my lifetime, music was even a more desirable medium than picking up a novel. This continued until late high school, when I had just had a few stints of good contemporary reads in English class. That softened the blow, and let me slowly but surely become really interested in reading in general. - Do you have any strange habits when you read?
Continuous Habits? Not really.
I do like to murmur the words, no matter what the setting from time to time.
Odd occurrences that happen frequently would have to be that no matter how tired I am or how boring the book, I will never fall asleep on a book in a train, car, bed, subway…. But, no matter how interesting the novel is or how awake I am, I will frequently fall asleep on a book on the city bus.
If you can tell me why, that would be great. - What is a favorite quote that you read in a book?
I don’t have one, because I enjoy most novels I have read.
high-quality YA novels have some killer emotional quotes in general, but I really enjoyed this passage from Daniel Keyes’ Flowers for Algernon:
- What is your favorite and least favorite genre and what is it that you like/don’t like about them?
Ugh, I have miles to go before I sleep on this one. I have touched on a lot of genres, but not enough to formulate a strong preference. I always go back to simple “realism fiction” though for the most part… It is something that has defined relatability to it. I find it is easier for me to find something about myself or others around me through realism (or “realistic”) more so than other genres.
I don’t like Romance because I don’t see myself ever reading Romance, but who knows? i always take sincere recommendations from people I respect. If they name drop a romance novel/author, I won’t shrug it off instantly. - Have there been books whose characters you wish you knew in real life?
Fuck yeah. At 15, I couldn’t relate to Holden Caulfield and thought he was fucked up. At 20, I wanted to tell him “You’re fucked up, but so am I.” We would then go to a diner, and quietly mock other people. He also referenced me to Tom Collins. It is now my 1A drink of choice at local bars. Thank you, Holden.
I also would like to meet Sonmi-451, Robert Frobisher, and Jason Taylor from some of David Mitchell novels, Oryx from Oryx & Crake, Billy Pilgrim from Slaughterhouse Five, and all of the Secret Garden kids.
(If anyone knows of Enigmatic female characters I can fall madly in love with, let me know. I am down. :D ). - Where is your favorite place to read?
I don’t have one. I am always on the move, no matter what I am doing so when I read, I very rarely feel that the environment is no good for that.
I think that may be a strong reason as to why I read more often than I used to…. for that realization. Hmm. - What have you read that you either couldn’t finish or didn’t want to finish but did anyways?
All I need to do is be given my list of novels that I had to read for high school, point to 75% of them, and tell you:
“Because I was told that I had to.”
When I was younger, I had some form of mental block. It does happen with work to this day, but it even happened with novels back then. I will just share one title for the time being.
I was told by my Grade 9 teacher that I had to finish To Kill a Mockingbird, or else I wouldn’t be able to answer the questions for the final (he told the class, so he told me indirectly). So, on my March break trip to Arizona, I read 85% of it, and finished the rest two hours before class started. It was brutal for me at that time. I could never get into it. The reason why I was able to read a good portion of it on the trip was because we flew standby… which basically meant we had 5 connecting flights (worst “A-B-C-D-E” experience in my life thus far). - What character from what book have you been able to sympathize with or relate to most?
Not cool.
Most character I relate to in fleeting moments. Characters I relate to a little more are always under the Introvert archetype. The only one that comes to mind, the one I can relate to the most is either Jason Taylor from Black Swan Green or Patrick Lewis from In The Skin of a Lion. Throughout the story, Lewis is depicted as being a wanderer, and he learns to become more vocal outside of his description of what he is experiencing. That was a progression that I saw and still see in myself. As for Jason Taylor, he pretty much sums up introverted, adolescent boy to a tee. Breakfast Club for England, and he’s just trying to fit in when he was born to stand out. - What gifts have you received as gifts?
I am assuming this question would actually be what books I received.
Well, I did get that novel from my grade four teacher.
I also remember getting a bluntly titled YA at 16 called “Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You” (“Gee, thanks for the reaching out, Mother”). It turned out to be decent, but it also turned out to take 3 years to read (with a 2 3/4 year hiatus in between).
She also got me two “how to write” books. Which I still giggle at today. She always takes what I say sometimes, and tries to find indirect ways of “helping me out”. Not that kind of person, but it is always appreciated. - What books would you give as gifts and why?
If someone asks me to borrow a book, I would most certainly do so without hesitation.
I would definitely go and get any Ondaatje or Atwood novel for almost anyone, and if someone ever told me they never read the following:
- The Perks of Being a Wallflower
- Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
- A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
I would hunt down a brand new copy for them.
Because simply, I want people to experience what I enjoyed, even if they decide that it wasn’t in the end for them.
So I do hope that was as enjoyable for you as it was for me!
My 11 questions are as follows:
What was the first Novel you ever read?
In what moment, at what book did you realize that you actually enjoyed reading?
What was the worst book experience you ever had, and why? (this could include anything that happened before and after reading the actual book)
Was there ever a moment that you anticipated the ending of a book, and you were right? Was there ever a novel where that happened, but you were wrong? What novels were they?
If you had to choose one series of novels to bring with you on an exchange trip where illiteracy was rapid in the society, and you could use this as a way to tell stories outside of their culture, what would it be, and why?
What was the most “timely” novel you ever read (meaning what was the novel that fit perfectly to the moment you were currently experiencing in your life)?
In your opinion, what is the criteria for a novel to be considered “timeless”?
How often do you actively visualize the novel you are reading? Is there ever a time where you visualize a moment, and realize that is the wrong visualization?
Which character from what novel saddened you the most? Why?
Which character from what novel uplifted your spirits the most? Why?
What is your favourite passage from a novel?
And my 11 nominees are: (these are not book blogs but I feel these people will have interesting things to say regarding reading and books.)
- thecarnivalisover
- enodis
- venusoris
- tonguetiedmuse
- rawfuel
- serpentandtheswan
- alyssadegeorge
- lifeinthered
- ibetibarelyreacted
- benenusatrofius
- themirrorofcassiopeia
Congrats to the nominees, can’t wait to read your responses!
INFP
I want to travel. I want work in a production company. I want to meet very distinct people, I want to laugh. I want to try and feel anything and everything the world has to offer. Experiences. I want to raise a daughter preferably, and show her what I have learned while letting her find herself. Because that’s what true love is, reincarnated. It’s not the starlit sky being shared with a bright flame. It’s the repercussions; the after effects, that show you what it is all about.
I want to be able to sit back, reflect, and say “yeah, I fucked up, made quick judgments, over thought situations, cried, messed around with people, been messed around with people but man, what a ride it has been”.
And Cherish that moment.
All of those moments.
Wobbly legs, pass the pass.
Light fixtures illuminate
Beyond the moving box
Of glass and metal.
Face contortions; Faux-Happiness, bewildered surprise
After you pass the pass
With wobbly legs.
An Odd Feeling.
Be whole, why don’t you.
Because when you are shredded into finite dust, and you know that time is similar to your figurative self,
Know that you felt every single goddamn thing you could possibly feel.
Let that sit in.
Let it wander around your physical dimensions for the present moment you have control over.
Then ask yourself:
Is that not what it’s all about?
